Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize