I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
