When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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