I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize