he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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