Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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