my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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