I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
