It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize