My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I would fuck him just for his dog
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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