woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize