Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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