Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
