some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!