But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
