I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
