i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability