drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.