break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend