Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems