Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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