you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂