so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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