you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in