Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
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You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.