super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!