In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I swiped left on my soulmate