I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
