Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.