my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
