as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
