Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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