I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
