I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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