eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
