I wish I only lived at night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can I color on your dick again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
