I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
