Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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