I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
