What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
