I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
