watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I sprained my soul last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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