im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
