hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
