i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
