i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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