I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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