I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
