the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
