Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
