When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
