The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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