My sheets look like a crime scene.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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