Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
