my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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