I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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