I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
