my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
