When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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