so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
