so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
