O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
