I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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