wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
