He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
