my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
