just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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