What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
