paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
