I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
