I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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