is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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