Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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