so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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