Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
