so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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