I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
