thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
