Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
