I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
