I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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