Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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