4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
