Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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