So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
