this beer tastes like vomit already
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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