I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
