we have officially lost it.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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