ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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