his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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