I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
