totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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