you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
