He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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