Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
