I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I seem to have left my pride at pride
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
