so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
