how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
