My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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