I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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