i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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