Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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